Welcome back to my crazy house blog, during these hard times of social distancing it’s bringing out the most precious gift we could ever ask for, which is quality time with your family. I’ve learned some very valuable lessons raising an introverted, anxiety-driven, very high-strung, brilliantly powerful female tween these past few weeks and I’d love to share them with you all!
Lesson #1 Ignorance
Ignorance meaning I do what is right for my tween, not what’s right for any other parenting stigma. If my tween can’t sleep and watches YouTube videos all night as a coping mechanism to deal with her anxiety so be it, if she needs a mental health day to stay in her room all day building a Minecraft empire who am I to complain. Doing what is right for both of our mental health is ultimately the most important lesson I’ve learned
Lesson #2 Confidence
Confidence in myself, which also means trusting myself will bring out the confidence in my tween, and having self-confidence doesn’t mean I always have to be right, but not fearing to be wrong in my choice of parenting an introverted, strong-willed, high-strung ball of anxiety.
Lesson #3 Trust
Trust is the most essential part of parenting your tween. Trusting my tween is the hardest part of parenting for me, Trusting that she knows what’s expected from her and what is right for her mental well-being. Trusting that she will meet my realistic expectations and trusting my own parental instincts are true is really hard and takes a lot of practice and self pep talks too.
Without trust I’ve learned that I cannot positively connect with her, without it we just end up continuously butting heads and go nowhere in an endless battle. That’s where the change needs to start, with trusting myself and trusting her. Positive parenting is hard, it brings you to tears when your child is having unconsolable meltdowns that you cannot relate to. She is growing up into an incredible, young, independent, lady with challenges, being significantly influenced by her favorite YouTubes and social media peeps. All the tweens are, even the ones at school. It’s a virtual world. It is a new generation, with a new culture to adapt to.
Lesson #4 Respect
In order to receive respect, you must show respect, no matter what age the person is. Respect is earned, not given. It is the most valuable lesson my father taught me as a young girl and I hold that to be true in my everyday life. I can’t expect a brilliant tween to just “listen” to me, simply because I said so. I have learned the best way is to lead by example, teach followed by hard facts (because she will google it anyway) with today’s generation technology is everything. We cannot raise our children how we were raised as that world no longer exist. So… I stay involved with her gaming, social interaction with other gamer’s, watch her YouTube videos (yes they are boring) but it gives me an advantage with my parenting, and compromising leverage! Something our parents never coped with.
Lesson #5 Patience
Yes patience is a virtue and it is hard to hold, when you have asked your tween to take the dog out for a pee and she hasn’t, but reminding her too many times will cause an explosion, as it’s too much information to process. So… what’s a mom to do. that’s right follow the above lessons. Trust she will follow through with the expectation. Make sure the expectations are clear witha visual schedule and alarm reminders. Respect that sometimes responsibilities are hard and need help. No, I don’t do it for her, but I will go out with her to take our brownie for her business.
I hope you have enjoyed my tween lessons and, if you haven’t already, please also subscribe to my vlog. Thank you see you soon, stay safe!