Hey guys, it’s been another crazy few weeks with the coronavirus outbreak in China and all the clickbait going around social media, especially on YouTube. Brought up the topic of anxiety in our house. Ya like things weren’t crazy enough!
My kids already have high anxiety as you all know. But the world wide panic over the coronavirus outbreak, increased theirs to a whole new level, especially my son, since he is a Google expert and loves to research anything and everything possible. Having the “fake news” constantly pop up on his news feed as clickbait thumbnails, and the so called “jokes” on multiple social media and YouTube channels played with his emotions and quickly became a huge concern, as his anxiety began with increased hand-washing, refusing to leave the house, and barricading himself inside our home. It Started with a few blankets on a few windows, then wanting to keep quiet and all the lights off in the whole house. As the days past more and more blankets, sheets, pillows where being placed in the windows and doors with anything he could find, like duct tape, thumbtacks etc.
What’s a mom supposed to do? Tried talking to him about it, tried showing facts, that it’s not a concern for our own personal safety, and that he cannot stop doing things he enjoys and living in fear isn’t the answer to battle anxiety. Thinking maybe it’s a phase that would pass, so I let him be a for few more days. While feeling my own anxiety rising from sitting in complete darkness, feeling overwhelmed with what was happening to him as well as how it was impacting my eleven year old daughter Sarah and her sanity.
I called his behaviour therapist to come over to see for her self and get her input on how to handle the situation to help him. She tried talking to him about anxiety, doing these child like worksheets, but he just shut down and refused to hear anything she was saying to him. She had no suggestions and was not helpful. So without support I was at a lost, I was angry because I didn’t know how to help him or fully understand why he was so fixated on protecting us from nonexistent creatures. But anxiety is real. It takes over your common sense. No matter who is there for you it’s there, it’s on your mind, it haunts you and it’s so hard to take control of your thoughts. As much as I was trying to support him and understand him, nothing I was doing was helping, in fact I feel like it was making things worse because our pets where doing everything they could to get a glimpse of sunlight. My daughter was at the verge of a break down and honestly I was too. Being in pitch black darkness for days causes so many psychological issues it’s crazy.
It just came to a point that I had to do something drastic nothing was helping. So in a rage I pulled down all the blankets from every single window, door, staircase. As the thumbtacks went flying in every direction and ripping the paint off walls and window frames from all the duct tape. My heart was breaking and racing so fast as he is taller and bigger than I, he’s trying to stop me and crying the biggest tears and pleading to leave them up. I was scared how doing this would progress into something worst. Would he become aggressive. The unknown thoughts where racing through my mind, I continued pulling them down anyway. My motherly intuition kicked in and at the same time I felt like I had to kill his anxiety and face my own in order to protect my babies. I’m throwing the blankets in the laundry room in total disbelief how many he had actually accumulated in the last two weeks.
But I stayed strong after shedding a few of my own tears. I caught my breath and sent them to bed and tucked them in with love and hope tomorrow would be a better day.
The next day to my surprise I saw a smile I haven’t seen since the very first outbreak was reported. I was relieved like you can’t even imagine. Seeing the sun shining through our windows, seeing our cats and pug being playful again and of course my daughter Sarah at ease.
I know some of you would say that I should never of let this happen. That if it was your child you would of put your foot down and not allowed it or would of taken it down sooner. Believe me I tried. It wasn’t working… I think giving him the time to process helped. Even though it ended with my own emotional breakdown it was the time that passed in-between healed him. Along with the coaching, reassuring, supporting and educating him, it got him through what he was feeling and going through mentally.
I wasn’t going to write this experience but my original goal was to write a blog about the raw truth about everything that goes along with raising kids with additional needs and having my own anxiety, stresses and ADHD so.. here it is guys no more sugar coating anything it’s going to get real….
I’m still working on setting up my own little home bussuness and airing that whole experience on you tube, the plan is to start the first week of March. I’m just working out the intro and my home office/work space. It’s going to be super raw keeping in mind I’m starting it all with Zero. 0 experience, 0 Cash, 0 inventory, 0 business education. Hope you will enjoy this experience with me and follow my journey.
Happy Family day by the way
See you all soon xoxo