Welcome back to my crazy house blog, it’s tough being a mom with ADHD raising kids with additional needs especially when it comes to dating and finding that Mr. Right, knowing full well that you come with quite the package, maybe even a little extra baggage.
Here are my personal tips for your Mr. Right to consider before dating you or if your reading this maybe your crush is a little ADHD 😉
Dating a mom has its own set of rules. Their kids always come first no matter what, don’t get involved with the baby daddy’s drama, short pre-planned dates, take it in snail glides, followed by the slime trails if you know what I mean, give her space, accept her children as your own even if you do have kids or older kids don’t question her parenting just help her be a better parent by being you, loving, caring the one she fell in love with.
Let’s face it now. If you don’t love her kids 💯 as much as she does, it’s just never going to work! No matter the circumstances. Showing affection is all about how you respect her parenting and how you treat her kids. It’s that simple!
Yes, you need to find out if you both share the same flame but the connection doesn’t stand a chance if you can’t handle the kids as your own, especially if they have additional needs that test every ounce of your hard steal patience for life!
Yay!! you’re madly head over heels about her! She is sensitive, creative, intelligent and giggles at your sarcasm! You reflect upon this as such a positive vibe. You believe everything is perfect but as you look around you see the sink full of dishes, the laundry piling up, takeout containers among many other things scattered across her living room floor. Her crumpled Michael’s and dollar store receipts, half-drunk cans of Pepsi, a $5 bill, and loose change left in the cringiness. She’s unprepared for your visit because she missed the last 7 messages. You look to her inquisitively and before you can speak she interrupts, “Are you hungry, we should go see a movie, do you want to hang out with Anna and me, I was thinking of making burgers tonight, did you know their opening a TacoBell beside Walmart, also I have ADHD.” All in the same breath.
If all that doesn’t scare you away, you’re perfect, more than perfect, you are the knight in shiny armour she has been longing for. All your imperfections will be invisible. But it will leave her in fear, doubtful, self-conscious, images that it all won’t last because she knows how hard it will be.
But don’t let it all scare you and no it won’t be different if you’re there more to help her. She doesn’t need help she needs patience and understanding.
Mom’s with ADHD are like rare blue butterflies that hide deep in the forest because their brains have very high levels of activity and easily spooked and flutter quickly.
ADHD stands for “Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder” and for women, the hyperactivity tends to be emotional rather than physical. Instead of fidgeting and picking noses like your younger cousin John who loves video games and hates school. It’s her thoughts that cannot stop, like a never-ending ride on Tilt a Whirl. She may even cry easily, appear unmotivated, and always has lots to say, but is not good at listening to your story about what happened at your office party.
“ADHD is not really a deficit, it’s a different way of thinking and if you know how our brains function, you’re going to be great. If not, you’re going to be very frustrated all the time, and it just won’t work out.
Every person with ADHD is different, for me I am quiet and shy until I get to know you. I’m super sensitive to knowing how people feel, I pick up on patterns and observe people’s actions. I generally base my opinions of people based on that feeling. But I feel lots of different feelings all at once and very deeply. If I care about you, you become my world.
People often get frustrated with me because I can’t hold a conversation or forget what was just said or misplace things.
80% of ADHD symptoms are triggered by feeling overwhelmed. “Everything is on steroids, good is on steroids and bad is on steroids. Some say having so many thoughts is great because you can help come up with thirty different amazing out of the box party themes for your friend’s niece’s baby shower, but can’t figure out how to organize her closet. I love having long conversations about everything that’s ever happened to you in your life. But I also tend to be a little, uh, intense and if too much is going on, I get very tired and I might need to just cuddle up on your chest in silence and just feel your heartbeat while the Tilt a Whirl slows down just a little.
I’m either focused or unfocused. The hyperfocus is a common symptom of ADHD, which counter-intuitively causes me to be very distracted sometimes. If my brain energy is being used so acutely for one thing that I am very passionate about like starting my own business, it’s hard to put it away to direct my energy towards something else like preparing for the holidays—even if it’s more important—it’s science! “People who don’t understand ADHD would label them as spacey or goldfish brain even though they’re thinking up the most brilliant things like how to make a robot to create the perfect slime, while you’re still sipping your coffee.
I can be very argumentative when I am passionate about a topic, I know I’m right! This might be doubly worse for me because I’m a Taurus. And also because I am probably right! #winkieface
I can forget that I said we were going to meet two weeks ago, but I will make you feel so special when I remember what shirt you love when I know you need a break, when I’m too much, that I know what makes you smile.
One thing to remember is that women especially moms who have ADHD almost always have confidence and low self-esteem at the same time because they live in a world where they are so powerful and passionate but constantly hear, ‘Why don’t you just…?'” Some women just feel ashamed that they have never even discussed their ADHD with their partners. Ladies, Please don’t do this!
I’d much rather be honest and straight forward to people, I cannot help but say how I feel as I feel it, so I speak out about injustices and whether or not the outfit you are wearing looks good. You might not appreciate this but this is the only way that makes sense for me and I expect this from you, too. Most people with ADHD despise bullshit and, in general, wear their hearts on their sleeves and won’t play games or hard to get.
I’m going to interrupt you and talk over you. I am truly sorry about that, but, It’s going to happen, please tell me when I am doing it, so that I know to stop and listen.
My house is a mess, Just like my emotions, I have my own way of organizing. I could tell you where everything is located on the floor, but I don’t know if you just stepped on a bag of chips or a plastic water bottle and I’m sorry again.
Another thing to keep in mind that past and present relationships with ex’s or family and friends may come and go as not everyone is as understanding and caring as you are.
Well guys, hope you enjoyed this little tidbit about me and my advice about dating a mom with ADHD who is raising kids with additional needs.
Bye guys!! See you all in the new year!! Don’t forget to subscribe ❤️
Comment below about your ADHD dating experience I’d love to hear about them.