Welcome to my crazy house blog, Today I’m letting you in on a secret I’ve recently discovered. It’s been years that I’ve been trying to figure out my kids and how to ease their extreme overload meltdowns and crazy anxiety. You know the ones where you feel so helpless, frustrated and irritated that it’s happening again! You thought you covered all your bases to avoid the blizzard, but the damn phone buzzed the e-mailed you’ve been waiting for, so your pancakes got a little crispy causing a slight unpleasant smell unexpectedly and that was the last wire to be pulled, since your child was already on the verge of explosion because their mind was already racing with the thought of motion sickness, due to meeting the new doctor out of town in a few hours.
So you have to find all your inner super immortal strength for not only your own physical ability to hold your hundred plus pound child in your arms so they wont hurt themselves, while they are hitting, punching, biting and swearing words at you that you didn’t even know they knew how to say. But your own willpower to stay calm and collected enough to survive the storm and find the calm to help your child through it all.
But you’re exhausted and loosing it… as you’re breaking down in tears of anger, hurt and self-disappointment cause they just slipped through your grip like slippery slime . (which you’ve just noticed is stuck to the side of the couch).
#Needamomdaycation Fat lip is swelling as your child is crashing through the house like the incredible Hulk… till the calm finally comes when you’re both debilitated and the house is completely trashed you’re both a mess and it’s time to go but then the anxiety of going someplace new sets in. so you know it’s going to be a long day.
My observations of not only my own children but others I’ve had the pleasure of meeting are indeed exceptional children; who are a very unique and an extremely intelligent breed. The reasoning experts can’t figure this out is simple! Because they can not feel the love, compassion, and extraordinary view of life these children have. Despite their behavior they are incredibly smart and we need to be blessed to endure this journey with them. Taking close notes of their behavior you will most definitely see patterns of triggers. It all comes down to how their brains function and how they process their senses.
As parents, human or not we are programmed to correct our child’s behavior. We expect them to be accepted into our pack. We want them to walk straight, shoulders back and head held up high with confidence but not to much confidence or we will label them as cocky or disrespectful. To speak appropriately with all the correct pronunciations, nouns and verbs. To follow commands with out explanations simply because we said so. Which typically does work for many. I mean we were all raised this way for centuries so why doesn’t it work on them? Have parents gotten soft? To busy? No one was like that back in the day!!! Right? I’m sure you’ve heard all of these before. Well… back in the day these valuable intelligent humans where placed in “special” schools and homes or worse and treated like abandoned and forgotten animals left at the pound or that humans or so called humans could do experiments on them.
Thankfully as a society we have taken time to study this breed and see their unique intelligence and change the way we do therapy, seek appropriate services, care, love and nurture their magnificent minds. No by No means it is easy. It’s incredibly hard, extremely stressful, heartbreaking, life changing, life time battles, lots of caffeine, worry, lonely. testing your limits beyond belief, but it’s worth it. It’s worth to see the world through their eyes and knowing you are part of something grater.
What makes them so brilliant and what causes the behavior well… I believe it is because their minds are so full of information, that we think is pointless info. For example my son can hack into the schools computer system and send games and videos to all the other students in the school, he can manipulate his teachers into doing all his school work for him without them even realizing, he can fix things without instructions or even knowing exactly what it is. He can tell you in great detail all about world war two, he knows the capital of every country and their landmarks, He can read emotions before the person themselves even know they are having them. But… He doesn’t know how to respond appropriately to a persons emotion or express his own emotions, he doesn’t know how to seek help, he struggles with fine motor skills, even brushing his teeth is really challenging for him. So…. as a result this causes the behaviors. he knows other people don’t struggle putting on pants, he knows seeking help shouldn’t be this hard, he feels empathy for his friends but doesn’t know how to show compassion so it comes across as arrogant. Remembering simple steps seems impossible to him, but he can remember the exact date and time the paper-mill burnt down when he was about 4 years old and every phone number we ever had. He see his little sister in complete anger and heart broken with him because he has the constant need to correct her as if he’s her walking encyclopedia and he can’t deny her the fact that there is no such thing as the tooth fairy. The extreme frustration is hard not to lash-out, not to feel over whelmed or not to have overload meltdowns or not to feel depressed.
I’ve found some strategies that do work; but as a busy mom with ADHD her self raising kids who are slowly becoming adults (10, 14, and 20yrs) with additional needs is really hard, but we’re working on it because it’s really working.
- avoid triggers like the plague
- visuals that are placed in convenient locations.
- individual one on one time every single day! because peer relationships are hard and far and few between.
- daily routines for the whole house not just them.
- time to process whats been said (sometimes it takes hours, days even months but waiting it out without nagging does work)
- being completely open and honest with them about everything.
- preparing them for any changes or possible changes
- giving things up like family dinner at your parents, because being in their own space makes the world of difference just knowing they are safe and have an understand home.
The hardest part is BLOCKING! Blocking your own views of life, blocking the way society wants you to raise your child, blocking everything you see and hear about how your child should be and embrace your crazy house, learn everything you can about your child, observe, take notes, think outside the box, listen with your heart not your ears, never ever assume because it’s not what you think, fight the never ending battles, smile when you want to scream, hug when you want to pull your hair out and don’t give up. You are your child’s voice, hero, protector, coach as well as their referee!
The littlest and simplest things are the hardest but they are key to survival. Especially on days when you want to pack your bags and run away. #changingtheworldforus
Thanks for reading, see you next time,